The Hillbilly Within

Well, Got me a job. Yup, it's quite a job. Yup, hangin' out with some folk that don't the first thing 'bout math, computers, or cell phones, but hell, they sure can drink the cheap beer. Yup, got me a job..... FUCK!

The job, The Menace

Well I think I've found one but it will be a while until the cash starts to flow. Might not post for awhile but, I'll be lurking around... Wish me luck, send positive karma, pray for me, and send me a hug whammy.

Menacing Job Boards (They Suck!)

After being successfully "self un-employed" for about 3 years, and the screwing this last jack-off did me, I've spent the last couple days looking for "a real job” on Monster.com, Career Builder, HotJobs... I'm sure you know the deal.

What the hell!? It has been literally 25 years since I've "looked for a job" or went fishing for an interview. WOW, have things changed.

I spent countless hours dickin' around on these sites. Do employers really look at these things? Are there any shortcuts? What the hell are "key words"? Can't I just email these jobs, ask for an interview and sell myself in person?

Most of the job boards don't allow you to put all your qualifications in the "three little boxes" that they provide you.

Can anyone give me a suggestion on WTF to do with this shit???? Damn!

Lost Love Returns:(for a moment)

I was feeling sorry for myself, depressed and very unsure of my life’s direction after what’s happened with the job.

But, things do tend to work themselves out and I am a true believer of “EVERY THING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.”

My latest love lost called me the other day and said, “Hey, how are you?” So I confessed that my wallet is a hell of a lot lighter than it should be and I’m in a hustle to find new income opportunities. She could tell that I was not my normal pleasant, fun, loving self.

The Big Surprise!

“How about I come over for a couple hours?” she asked with a slight twinkle in her voice. Within nano-seconds my brain and loins were completely on fire! I hadn’t had some REAL fun in about two weeks and wow, was I horny! “Sure I said come over and I’ll cook some dinner and we can hang out for a while.” (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)

When she arrived her whole body completely captivated me. It reminded me of the first time I met her. She is completely the most beautiful woman I have ever known. She has soft hair, smooth tan skin, and always wears a cute outfit. But most of all her fragrance. She doesn’t wear perfume. She just has an outstanding, sexy smell about her that completely turns me on beyond words. She knows we could never be friends, because we are so physically attracted to each other, we know we HAVE to be naked.

After we kissed each other, hugged and spoke a few words, we went out to the back porch. I have a very private back area that has views of forest and a valley of about 150 acres of just fields. Needless to say, She wanted the MENACE! The MENACE wanted her! She unzipped my pants, pulled them down exposing my half erect cock, got on her knees and began licking, sucking and rubbing. (My dog looked on with amazement) She stopped only for a moment, stood up and whispered in my ear. “I need you inside me.”

We went back into the house taking off our clothes along the way, by the time we got to my bedroom, we were naked and I could see her pussy glistening with delight. YUM!!!!

We just sat on the bed looking into each others eyes stroking each other, becoming more and more excited, more and more wanting, more and more connected. “Please get inside me.” She said as the room spun around my head. As I entered her we both could feel the intense fire that always flows between us. As we make love, she is completely multi-orgasmic and when she does cum she squirts out the sweetest tasting cum I have ever known. We’ve been lovers for some time, we both have to use waterproof mattress covers on our beds because there is so much sweet stuff! We continued on for, well I never have been able to keep track of time when I’m with her. I guess it was almost dark. Then she left.

I miss her. I Love her. I wish she would just be mine. I guess a gift like this was never meant to be. I do thank God I know her and I’m sure she thanks God for me. Damn I miss her so much when she leaves. I know she has her reasons for not committing. I pray that someday we’ll be able to work all the other bullshit out.

Thanks Minxy…. You inspired me today…..

Menace Ignored Disaster Strikes!

Working for and depending on others to create a livelihood is like asking your cat to go fetch the morning paper.

Yesterday I was informed by one of my vendors “I’m shutting down, I’m out of money”.

Is that some bull shit excuse? Why do people invest 100’s of thousands of dollars in a project just to shut it down after I have sold it to people that have taken trust in me enough to say, “Ok Menace, I’ll buy this from you because I know and trust you” and I know that it’ll work and be ok.

Well guess what?

I’ve done it again; I have not listened to my intuition and allowed this fucking dumb ass to lead me down a path that has put my professional reputation on the line.

I have 100’s of customers that I have sold this product to and the Dumb Fuck owes me a shit load of money for selling it… I’ll never see that money.

Lack of trust in myself and NOT listening to my intuition about this on-coming disaster has negatively affected my customers, me, my bank account and most of all my reputation for selling something that I had strong feelings would never work anyway. I actually knew a month ago that this was not going to pan out, but I decided to ignore the Menace and continue to say to my self … “this will be ok” and “all is well”

Please understand that no one gave me specific information regarding this oncoming disaster. I JUST KNEW…
It’s a feeling that comes from Within, and then the brain suppresses it.

INTUTION IS NOT TO BE IGNORED.. IT IS A GIFT THAT ALL OF US POSESS.
AND I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT…… damn…..

Police Kill Dad--Menace is PISSED!!

There was an Amber Alert in the Midwest a couple days ago. Typical story, Mom and Dad split one kid; Dad kicked out, Kid with Mom.... Link to the story above.

Have any of you guys been divorced and lost custody of your kids without ANY say in their upbringing, BUT have to pay ALL the bills and keep paying even if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the X is not spending it on the kids?

Well, I have.

For some reason there seems to be an absolute belief in our society that the Male of our species is NOT qualified to care for, love, provide, and teach our children without the "supervision" of the Female of our species.

Let's face it, in most cases I am aware of, the woman ALWAYS gets the kids, the house, the cars the bank accounts and SUPPORT to boot.

I completely understand how a guy can loose it and go to the extremes that this Dad did.

DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND THAT I CONDONE SUCH BEHAVIOR. I DON'T! But, I do understand his fear of losing his family, home, and life as he knows it. But most of all... His baby girl.

Now the first thing that came to my mind on this story was: "How would the cops handle the same situation if it was the woman that stole the kid, and tied up the husband at home?"

My bet is they sure as FUCK would NOT have OPENED FIRE and KILLED HER in front of HER BABY! They would have negotiated the release of the little girl and looked like heroes for saving her and the Mom. Meanwhile the Dad that got tied up would be chastised as a PUSSY by the media.

This theory holds true with pedophiles as well. Creepy men out there preying on innocent under age girls are just plain FUCKED UP human beings with out doubt.

However, take one sexy looking blonde female schoolteacher that continues to fuck a 13-year-old boy, and it gets press, but not the creepy kind that the men get.

The Menace shed a tear for this Dad today. He was wrong without doubt, but what about the window our society looks through on this issue? I shed a tear for us too.

Caution the following post might offend you.

If you are offended by the following post. Tough shit. This is my exercise to let go... However, positive comments or suggestions are welcome.

A Menacing Message for the Ladies

Why is it that it’s ok for you ladies out there to take, take, take everything you can get out of us Dicks and be ok with cutting off the relationship completely when you get bored, or if we offend you once or twice. Jesus, fucking Christ, you would think just because you got a warm wet thing that you have the ALL the power, well guess what?

I will not be motivated by some sexy bitch anymore just ‘cause she’s got a warm wet thing ‘tween the legs. Cause I can get all the pussy I need!

I will not give, give, give… until I know that you have an actual interest in ME as a human being that is quite likely to do anything for you…. All I want is acknowledgment, respect, Fun, a partner to frolic through life with, an occasional sincere “thank you” and a good mutually satisfying piece of ass.


I will not ignore the signposts along the way of any future relationship, pay attention to them and bail out before I SHIT out another $10K on a bitch that just wants a temporary free ride. While she plays the part of “Oh, I really care for you. I have never met anyone so nice, with such a great dick and felt so connected”… Bull Shit!!!!

A warm wet thing will NOT define me.

I will not let a pussy sway me to give jack shit....JUST TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS! DAMN!!!

I’m sick and tired of bitches that have the intellect of a flea, and THINK they have the “Spiritual Gift” of Mother Teresa, the “intelligence” of Madame Currie and the "sexual prowess" of Amber Lynn.

I will not be defined or manipulated by a bitch that thinks or says:“You would be better if you would just…. (Fill in the blank)" …. Fuck ‘em I am who I am.

This is who I am:

I am a very good looking single middle aged man
I have the ideal job working at home
I have the means to be comfortable
I am a very giving person and care very deeply for those that I love.
I am a gentleman in the classic sense of the word. I open doors, I compliment good looks, and I notice changed hairstyles. I love to shop with a woman, for clothes, bras, fuck damn near anything,
I have good taste in all of the above.
I know how to fit a bra on woman… (Opra taught me on her show one day and it’s a fun exercise.)
I only drink socially.
I give to who ever needs something if I can, in any way help them.
I can be trusted with secrets
I have a very balanced way of approaching disputes. I always consider the other side of any argument.
I am a great lover. I LOVE to make my partner feel good and never approach sex with selfish motives.
I am a great friend to have. I would die for only a few people, BUT I also know they would die for me.
I am understanding, negotiable, and ONE HELL OF A GOOD TIME!

Ok, I got that shit out of my system and now I must get back to work and forget about ‘da Bitch that I have allowed to effect me in such a negative way. I will let go. Why can’t she see the real me? Maybe she does and just doesn’t think she’s worthy, Fuck I don’t know, I just know that this is a great exercise in letting go of some real bad Shit… Thanks for listening.
The Menace Within………………………..

Menace!!

No matter where I go.....There I am....

The Menacing Wall Before Me

I'm woven in a fantasy, I can't believe the things I see
The path that I have chosen now has led me to a wall
And with each passing day I feel a little more like something dear was lost
It rises now before me, a dark and silent barrier between,
All I am, and all that I would ever want be
It's just a travesty, towering, marking off the boundaries my spirit would erase

To pass beyond is what I seek, I fear that I may be too weak
And those are few who've seen it through to glimpse the other side,
The promised land is waiting like a maiden that is soon to be a bride
The moment is a masterpiece, the weight of indecision's in the air
It's standing there, the symbol and the sum of all that's me
It's just a travesty, towering, blocking out the light and blinding me
I want to see

Gold and diamonds cast a spell, it's not for me I know it well
The treasures that I seek are waiting on the other side
There's more that I can measure in the treasure of the love that I can find
And though it's always been with me, I must tear down the Wall and let it be
All I am, and all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony
Shining true and smiling back at all who wait to cross
There is no loss

From: Kansas, Left Overture a great 70's album.

The Menace and the Rotten Cottage Cheese

When someone you care deeply about begins to try to serve you cottage cheese that has been in the kitchen cabinet for who knows how long, with an expiration date of March 24 2006.... it's time to take action to protect....

My Mom is beginning to completely lose it. She pulled out this cottage cheese tonight and I thought I was gonna puke on her shoes...

But I collected myself very quickly and calmly asked her to throw it away and that I would go back over to my house and get some cottage cheese that is fresh. I did..

I'm sad today about this. My Mom was the sharpest woman I have ever known. Clear thinking, a great teacher of sprit and love... and I miss her.

Now it's my turn to love, care and be here for her. God help me.

Menace Blows off Steam

Today was a good day to shoot some clays. Can't shoot straight; only hit 43 out of 100 today, but what a way to feel better about the world! It was a nice clear day, a good friend to shoot with and of course beer. (after)

I always feel great after a round of clay shooting. Livin' out away from the city there's a place about 5 miles from my house operated by a good 'ol boy by the name of Frank. Franks a 4th generation farmer and he one of the funniest fuckers I've ever met. Just down to earth as dirt it's self.

I sure as hell don't miss the city, in fact during rush hour, well; there is no rush hour out here. So sorry for all of you that have to deal with Atlanta, Detroit, LA, Denver, Chicago, Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Nashville, well you get the picture.

Ahhhh.. I do feel better today... Shawshank classic line..."Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'..." Today I lived...

Mindful Menace

Yeah, Well got that out of my system. Now, why is it that the previous entry makes me look like, OHHHH, I'm sooo hurt, I didn't mean to hurt you!

Well guess what?

It's not ok to be dispassionate.

It's not ok to NOT be a friend.

It's not ok to be selfish in a relationship.

It's not ok to toss someone aside that has been there to support you through all the bad bullshit you had when we first met.

It's not ok to be so self centered that no matter what is going on around you; you think it's about you.

It's not ok for me to be your friend, support you, give you cash, buy your food, pay your fucking bills, take you on expensive trips, put gas in your car, fix your fucking house do your dishes, cook for you, serve you on the couch, while you stand there and act like you deserve it and not have the ability to say thank you once in a while.

It's not ok for you to only acknowledge my shortcomings when I have so many positive traits.

It's just not ok. Got it?

Menacing thoughts of Love lost

How I miss your eyes in mine
to touch your hair, you’re fine, divine!

Will you ever kiss my lips?
All we have is now don't miss.

Can you see the hurt and pain?
I know the folly that created disdain.

You know I love you, you know I care
what can I do to repair the tear?

Please tell me, open, honest and true
I will do anything for you.

The Midlife Menace

Ever seen a nose bleed that would NOT STOP? Nasty! Got a call from my 85 year old parents last night. Seems Dad started bleeding around 9:00 and thought it might be a good idea if they called me to take him to the hospital around 12:00. Christ? What the hell happens to us when we get old? The old guy was squirting' red for 3 hours before I got there and you would have thought Jason or Chuckie or some other bad ass had come in the house and slashed someone! YUCK! The red shit was everywhere!

I only live down the street from my parents. One of the reasons I moved out here into the middle of nowhere Midwest US. Plus, I got a great new house, high speed connection, unlimited long distance, work out of my home office and shit...It's alright...

Anyway. I'm tryin' to get the old folks into the car and what are they doing? Worrying about the lights being left on.. "Don't want to waste electricity ya know!"
That's only half of it. Mom's going one way, Dad's barking orders and I'm trying to calm them down and get them in the damn car! Like herding cats. Damn near impossible to get them to go the same direction at once. Old folks, wow, I'm gonna be one someday. Guess I already am in some peoples eyes. Damn.........

The hospital is about a 20 mile drive and we got there in about 20 minutes so I made good time. One thing about small town hospitals, no wait time. I got 'em in and out in about an hour.

Sure don't want a phone call tonight. This old guy needs the shuteye....

The Menace Within, Friend or Foe?

I continue to hope that at some point I will find my one true love. I have spent the last 20 months with the person that I thought was the one. The only one, the one that I was willing to do anything for.

She turned me off like a faucet a week ago or so. I am still totally flabbergasted! After spending a huge amount of assets (Love, Emotion, Time, Money, effort) she called me to thank me for sending her the money that I told her I would give her.

I had to go to Las Vegas for work and she asked to come along. My room was already paid for, as was my airfare. So, I said, "ok I'll pay for your airfare and all the meals and we'll have a great time!" One night at the Hard Rock, I forgot my wallet and the bill came to about $100. I was completely embarrassed that I couldn't pay the bill, and she RELUCTANTLY took care of it. Well, the next day (Monday) she informed me that she didn't want to see me any more and that she wanted to go out with other people. It was a devastating blow to me... I was convinced that this was the one. The true love of my life for me.... But not for her... I guess nothing can be predicted...or maybe, I should listen to the Menace Within because he did warn me.

Anyway, I just got off the phone with her tonight and she said that she called to thank me for paying her back for the evening out. Man, she was so cold on the phone... I can't even begin to tell you the pain of listening to her being so cold. I don't deserve to be treated like this... But the Menace did warn me...Ya know, there are sign posts along the way and I need to learn when the Menace is full of shit, and when he is completely right on... The reality of the situation is that I knew something was up for sometime now... I don't know when. I just knew and wasn't willing to admit the truth. I need to stop being so emotional about it, experience the pain completely and let go of her. It will be hard to do.

Flash forward to last week. Goofheart is someone I met at a self-improvement seminar about 3 years ago. Goofheart lives on the other side of the continent and I must tell the world that I thank God that she is willing to be my friend and listen to my innermost feelings and… we laugh and laugh and laugh every time we converse. I stopped talking to Goofheart about 20 months ago when I met the one that turns off faucets. Yet for some reason, she called me and we began to talk again. I can’t tell you how much her willingness to participate, listen and “be with” me means to me. I hope she reads this entry, because she is awesome.

So for Easter I guess I want to thank God for my experiences, my family, my friends and my Goofheart.

The Art of Camel-Toe Pedicure Part II

To continue with details of how to do the proper pedicure is, to say the least, boring. It's like reading a book on how to swim and based on all the knowledge you get from the book decide to jump in a deep lake...

So this story goes deeper into the relationship process. With the Menace constantly questioning motives, re-analyzing answers to questions, and usually if listened to, gives the wrong answer.

There are times that I actually let go of my Menace and find the peace that I believe we all search for. The key behind success...LETTING GO OF THE MENACE WITHIN.

Theory: If I acknowledge the Menace Within exists, He does. If I don't, he doesn't.

I think I'll practice this for a while and re-establish a relationship with myself.

Thanks GoofHeart.... I love you.

The Art of Camel-Toe Pedicure Part I

Giving a Camel-Toe a proper pedicure is an art the Menace has been in practice of for many years. There are many variables that come into play to create an experience for my lover that must be considered prior to the actual activity it's self.

1. Is she completely comfortable with herself and with you? (If she is not, don't go here yet. Make sure she trusts you in the sack and NEVER give her a reason not to trust. BTW this could take some extra time with some, and never happen with others. You may end up spending a lot of time on the trust issue just to be let down to the fact that some chicks don't trust anyone and never will. You must learn when to stop wasting time with the wrong candidate.)

2. Is she willing to participate in something that she hasn't done before, and therefore make her extremely vulnerable to the touch?

3. Never begin a sexual encounter with only your own interests and satisfaction in mind. (Your satisfaction will come when she is so out of control with desire that she will do anything you want!)

4. Does your lover shave her box? If so, she will be ready and willing to go once you get past steps 1, 2 and 3.

5. Is she willing to go beyond the "traditional sex roles" as defined by our fucked up society? (This is a tough one to answer as well. You will need some "traditional" sex time to find out how far out she's willing to go.)

6. Does your lover orgasm only once per encounter, or can she put out the juice and cum multiple times? (This one's up to you The Menace Within has never met a woman that can't have multiple orgasms.)

7. To talk dirty, or not. That is the question... Women don't necessarily want to hear you say shit like "Oh I love fucking you!" or "I love your hot sticky pussy"
No, most will appreciate a whisper of "My God I feel you" or "You just turn me on" or "You make me so hot". Don't go crazy with this shit it is very important to know what your woman likes. Start with mild dirty talk and move your way up until she stops mid-way and says: "What the hell did you just say?!" This will indicate you have gone too far...

The Menace and I have argued about the amount of time I spend thinking of such things. Our argument is how much time is too much?

To be continued...

Start the Day with Coffee and Cigarettes

Oh that damn menace...Here I start the day and wonder why my mainstay for the morning consists of such things.

I have been blessed with a great body. I work out and am in pretty good physical condition for a man my age. I can still keep up with the young bucks and have never had a woman say or act like they are disappointed or left one unsatisfied.

So here I am starting the day with this bad shit, know it's bad shit and have my coffee and cig anyway..

What the hell... This damn menace of mine.. I will find a way to beat this!

Methods of Keeping the Menace at Bay

1. Hold your hands over your ears and say "blah, blah blah blah, blah blahhhh.
(only holds the menace back for short periods of time)

2. Ignore the stupidity that comes from within. (See #1 for follow up exercise)

3. Argue with the Menace. (People who say talking to your self is crazy, must be crazy them selves. Everyone talks to themselves.)BTW avoid making a scene in public.

4. Prayer. (You choose who to pray to. Caveat: careful this could bring in other voices that will scold you for being such a dumbass to begin with.

5. Share your bullshit with only those few you can truly trust. (They usually can see the forest while you are running around the trees.)

6. Drugs and alcohol, (Not recommended, however it can bring short term relief. Caution, this will make matters worse sometime down the road.

7. Go waste some money on a psychiatrist.(Again, not recommended. I haven't met one yet that wasn't crazy as a loon. Besides the only way for those crazy bastards to make there boat payment is by telling you, "You are crazy, that will be $175 and I will see you next week.")

8. Kill the Rat Bastard... Haven't figured out how to accomplish this yet.

9. Write a blog and don't tell anyone who you really are....(It might surprise someone that think they know you.)

Just another day of dealing with the menace.

Menace is a glutton for women

Yes it is true; the menace does enjoy the company of an attractive, intelligent woman. It has been one of my gluttonies for most of my life. (Has gotten me in a shit load of trouble and cost me tons of cash too) But, never the less, a fine woman that can keep up with me in the sack and keep up with a good conversation is a difficult commodity to find. There always seems to be one of these fine things or the other, but both... still looking.

Now don't get me wrong here, I do love the woman I’m with now. She is beautiful, has fine smooth skin, makes love like a monkey and is huge fun when we go out together.

My argument with the menace is, "Why is it that when we are together, we are truly together, but when we are apart, it's as if I don't exist to her at all?" Kind of a pussy attitude, but none the less, I must admit the menace is there pointing out the reality of the situation...

Vaughan Alder Bass What a great eye he had!

  

Conversations with the Menace

Spending most of my 45 years in this body and mind, I have found that I am not alone in here. There seems to be a "voice" that continually argues with me. Now please understand, I am completely "sane" by any definition of the word. At least, I have not been diagnosed with a disorder of any sort other than the modern adult ADHD that seems to be all the rage now. But, I do confess, the meds are helping me focus and I can actually get things done.

So, I need to speak of the Menace. This is the voice within that tells me (and I believe he exists in everyone) to do, or not to do. Some may say this voice is Satan, the devil, or some other evil entity that only exists within those that believe in such horseshit. I, on the other hand think that the menace is an alter ego, or a bad program running in the background that could have possibly come from some former bad experience or something of the sort.

Example #1 I have plenty of money in the bank right now, but for some strange reason, I don't go over to my stack of bills, pick them up, sort them, write out the checks and send them. Why? Every time I approach this stack of dis-order, something stops me..."The Menace" What the hell is that about. Just walk over, pick up the goddamn bills, write the checks and be done with it....

Example #2 I am in love with a very beautiful woman. She totally turns me on. We've been seeing each other for over a year, but I think she is going to dump me. HOWEVER, I have been separated from my wife for well over a year, built my own house, moved into the house and guess what? Haven't filed the divorce papers yet.... Why? The fucking Menace again...

Who of you have such a menace within??????