The Menace Within, Friend or Foe?

I continue to hope that at some point I will find my one true love. I have spent the last 20 months with the person that I thought was the one. The only one, the one that I was willing to do anything for.

She turned me off like a faucet a week ago or so. I am still totally flabbergasted! After spending a huge amount of assets (Love, Emotion, Time, Money, effort) she called me to thank me for sending her the money that I told her I would give her.

I had to go to Las Vegas for work and she asked to come along. My room was already paid for, as was my airfare. So, I said, "ok I'll pay for your airfare and all the meals and we'll have a great time!" One night at the Hard Rock, I forgot my wallet and the bill came to about $100. I was completely embarrassed that I couldn't pay the bill, and she RELUCTANTLY took care of it. Well, the next day (Monday) she informed me that she didn't want to see me any more and that she wanted to go out with other people. It was a devastating blow to me... I was convinced that this was the one. The true love of my life for me.... But not for her... I guess nothing can be predicted...or maybe, I should listen to the Menace Within because he did warn me.

Anyway, I just got off the phone with her tonight and she said that she called to thank me for paying her back for the evening out. Man, she was so cold on the phone... I can't even begin to tell you the pain of listening to her being so cold. I don't deserve to be treated like this... But the Menace did warn me...Ya know, there are sign posts along the way and I need to learn when the Menace is full of shit, and when he is completely right on... The reality of the situation is that I knew something was up for sometime now... I don't know when. I just knew and wasn't willing to admit the truth. I need to stop being so emotional about it, experience the pain completely and let go of her. It will be hard to do.

Flash forward to last week. Goofheart is someone I met at a self-improvement seminar about 3 years ago. Goofheart lives on the other side of the continent and I must tell the world that I thank God that she is willing to be my friend and listen to my innermost feelings and… we laugh and laugh and laugh every time we converse. I stopped talking to Goofheart about 20 months ago when I met the one that turns off faucets. Yet for some reason, she called me and we began to talk again. I can’t tell you how much her willingness to participate, listen and “be with” me means to me. I hope she reads this entry, because she is awesome.

So for Easter I guess I want to thank God for my experiences, my family, my friends and my Goofheart.